Ok Well im sure everyone is wondering what happened to the other two blogs i was going to post. But yeah i dont F**king care! and yes i feel like me right now. Cause i am so stressed and P'Od it isnt F'n Funny right now. I Could Scream i am so pissed beyond believe! so go ahead judge me, censor me, tell me "Oh you can't say that" well guess what kiss my a**! ok you want to no why i am so ticked. The one person i have stood up for, for months and did everything i could for. Has decided, oh well i am not going to speak to him anymore. yeah i think we all know who i am speaking of specially my close friends.
Truly i do not feel very church like right now, and this rage has been building for weeks. Of Countless weeks of being chewed out, told i am wrong, and watching my actions. well the hell with it for now. See what happened I Decided well hey maybe i do want top go on a Mission for my church. Something i take alot of pride in, and really want to do. Which now i question since it has brought so much unwanted rediculous drama in my life the past few days. But yeah i decided at the time maybe i do want to go on one, well i spoke to my old bishop about it. And well that good ole friend of mine who in a previous posted i literally stated asking the world and i quote...."For my friends i ask you to not mention a negative thing about her again...and that means ever around me again. it breaks my heart to hear her name, and breaks it even more to hear somebody speak negative about her"....yeah a blanant standing up for her cause i care and love her. So what happens it gets thrown right back in my face. But yeah she chews me out all because i spoke to my old bishop and he wasnt my last church leader a.k.a mine from the louisville singles ward.
So yeah there you, i get chewed out again.....oh wait IM NOT FINISH! lets see yeah im late for church history cause i am pretty hurt from this. Which she doesnt understand i was already shakey and nervous about myd decision cause i understand how big of a choice this is, and how big going on a mission is, and that i am giving up alot and risking alot. So yeah..i get to math and just because Oh MY freakin Gosh i am not smileing..and i ask Hey can you just leave me alone today...it turns into she refuses to talk to me altogether, she has nothing to do with me outside of class only in class when it is necsesary. and yeah..so i get Fn Screwed again. You Know what I gurrantee i shall get chewed out about this blog just because i said f**k in it, well F**k F**K F**K F**K!
But as i know, i am the bad guy out of this. The world sees me as the bad guy and the story is always twisted..shes sweet inncocent, and i am the dark morbid rebel whose going to burn in hell probably. Well F**k Damnit as big Jarrod would say. I Dont Care anymore im making my own rules, i WILL be more like me instead of a fraud always smileing and nice. Id rather be dark and id rather be morbid. i Love my Rock Music, My Favorite band is and forever shall be Slipknot and i am damn proud of my music. Hey Guess what Children on my decision to join the church.. take a guess at what band i was listening too when i made my decision...oh yeah..SLIPKNOT!. So judge me, tell me how horrible of a person i am, i dont have much left in me to take this s**t anymore, ill be happy when counceling gets here on monday at 2. oh yeah im definitly in counceling, but its good i can vent and get my frustrations out. talking to someone who cares out here is always nice, and he doesnt censor me. So yeah FTW judge me, idc anymore!
4 comments:
truly now that i have calmed now alot, and vented my frustration. i will apologize a little for my language, but that is me. That is how i feel and these past 48 hours have been completely miserable and dreadful. witheverything that has plagued my mind, and desires ive wanted to act upon that i wont, no body know what it feels like to be me sometimes. I feel right back in the same same 6ft hole in the ground Jordan Holden yanked me out of many years ago now
There's always 2 sides to a story. You make me seem like a horrible person and that things went were all because of one vent, they weren't! Everything builds up and I have just had enough of being blamed! NO ONE, can make you feel upset, or be little you... only YOU can do that!! AND don't EVER vent about me online again... it's rude and distasteful.
I am sorry you are so frustrated and upset but hopefully you can begin to be calm and listen to the Spirit. It will help you deal with the anger you have. You don't need to listen to all of those that want to bring you down. No one can upset you, unless you let them! Don't let them! Make new friends and look forward...leave the past in the past. Don't blame others, or worry about them, take resposibility for your own problems and let others deal with theirs. When you were Baptized it was symbolic of doing just that...burying the old you and cleansing and bringing forth the new you...that is also what the Sacrament is for each week. The Savior has given that to us to remember Him always. We get the chance each week to begin over and start anew. Keep trying, you can do whatever you set your mind to do. A mission would be wonderful! It could open so many new opportunities and blessing into your life and the lives of those you would teach. We think of you often and keep you in our prayers. Posting on-line isn't the way to handle your frustrastions. I'm glad to hear you are going to get counseling...they have a wonderful counseling center there and will be very helpful I'm sure! Take advantage of everything the school has to offer...there is much. Enjoy all of the activies that go on and meet as many people as you can...some will be life long friends! I still have friends I met while going to school there over 25 years ago! It is a great time and place in your life...don't let your past or anyone distract you. Enjoy your journey!
I hope things are going better for you these days but if you are truly sorry about the language you have used on your post you would go back and edit it or take it off all together so no one would have to come on your blog and read such vulgar things. In the repentance process we all have to give away those things that we have problems with and try to not do them again. That would mean not keeping them around for yourself or other to reflect on. Try to keep better more pleasant thoughts in your mind. When you have angry or unpleasant thoughts you need to try to have a few favorite hymns or scriptures that you can think about to take your mind off of whatever has upset you so that you don't let yourself go so far to the extreme and be so upset. The Savior has suffered all things for each of us and wants us to rely on Him in times of distress and need. Always remember He is there to help you control your thoughts, words and actions. We wish you seccess in all that you do but "if it is to be...it is up to me" has always been one of my favorite quotes...but we also need to remember...PRAY as if everything depends on the LORD and then WORK as if it all depends on YOU! Then you will always be successful! Take care and always be your best self!
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